do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it because I queefed?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
