What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The struggles of a small town man whore
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
