I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
