i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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