I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
