why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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