I'm so fucking centered right now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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