My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
