Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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