My balls are so social today.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
