so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
