A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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