Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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