I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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