how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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