Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
