Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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