your parents love me but you hate me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
zippers are such a cool invention
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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