He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
