That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
