My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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