She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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