Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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