Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
