I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
