you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
