I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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