I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
