does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
