I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
