i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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