did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
