I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
