I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
