I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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