i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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