If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
