Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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