just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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