he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
