Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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