I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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