she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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