its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
