he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
