I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
