I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
