apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
