He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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