Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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