FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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