Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Terrible idea I love it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
