I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
