Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
