Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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