May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
