i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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