Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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